This Daily Struggle Drives My Wife Crazy.
At a younger age, I made the decision to stop praying for patience. That sounds so ridiculous. As I write this at an older age and somewhat wiser place in life, I will confess that I am ashamed to admit it. I must also admit that because I spent much of my adult life thinking that my lack of patience was not a problem, that I still struggle with unacceptable impatience in my life.
While I didn’t feel that my lack of patience was a problem, my wife has almost gone crazy trying to survive this daily struggle. We have been married for 43 years and that is only by the grace of God and that she has more patience and tolerance than anyone I have ever known.
Have you ever spent any time with an impatient person? That is not a blessing. The tendency to be sharp and discourteous is common. It makes for a miserable existence if you don’t have the choice to get away from them.
What was my problem with patience?
The obvious question is, what was your problem with having patience?
One word - I was convinced that patience led to Complacency.
Complacency would lead to a
lack of intensity
then a lack of focus.
Which in my mind was a formula for failure.
This formula would be correct if all parts of that statement were true.
Patience is defined as,
“the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”
Patience simply means you can wait;
Complacence means you’ve given up waiting and you’ve given up wanting.
You’re not waiting anymore, because you’ve given up hope, which likely means you’ve given up taking any action, too.
There is a clear difference between patience and complacency. Patience reveals a strength, while complacency is the presence of weakness that I was fearful of.
3 Gifts You Receive from Patience.
The one thing that always bothered me about my attitude toward Patience was that in Galatians 5:22, Paul in his letter to the church in Galatia, listed the fruits of the spirit,
Love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, and PATIENCE.
Yes, there it is - Patience. In the list of those traits that manifest because of the presence of the Spirit in us. How could I explain that? I couldn’t.
As a fruit of the spirit, having the virtue of patience blesses your life and those around you. As I have been truly enlightened in the last few years, I have realized how many gifts that patience brings. I want to share with you three of those gifts.
The Gift of Self-Mastery and Achievement.
Patience unfairly is perceived as a passive act. In reality, as we know from the Buddhist tradition, patience is all about self-mastery, and that requires absolute control over one's,
thoughts,
words, and
deeds.
Instead of directing your desire to control others, focus instead on yourself. When I found this in my research and study about patience, it then made the following quote by Benjamin Franklin make sense to me.
“He that can have patience can have what he will.”
― Benjamin Franklin
This quote reminds us that patience is the secret to success.
So be patient.
Trust the process.
Take little steps forward every day.
And you'll be amazed at the places they take you.
I just never could understand how being good at waiting would help me get what I want in life. I had seen the Ben Franklin quote many times and I just couldn’t rationalize it. But, with the understanding of the Buddhist teachings on patience. That it requires self-mastery and that it is definitely not a passive act. This knowledge brought patience, self-mastery, and achievement into full alignment for me.
2. The Gift of Conquering Our Circumstances.
“Patience is a conquering virtue.”
― Geoffrey Chaucer
Patience conquers momentary changes in circumstances and helps us avoid being swept away instantly by each alteration. A perspective of patience is more likely to allow you to shape the circumstances as they come—fitting them into your long view plan, trusting each step along the way. Not getting in a hurry but understanding the effect of consistent efforts will bring lasting change and results.
Nurturing the kind of practices that conquer despair because they build hope. They are slow practices and do not yield immediate results, but their steady application builds a conquering kind of long suffering. Despair comes from not having confidence in the process and having an attitude that the timing of getting the result is more important than the result. Patience conquers that and many times the timing takes care of itself, because the attitude is that the when is not as important as the consistency of the process. The Bible says, “love is patient”. If the question was always when and how quick and not staying focused on the process of loving, then love would certainly be reached rarely. This knowledge showed me the true power that patience brings.
3. The Gift of Happiness.
A Swahili Proverb says,
“Patience attracts happiness; it brings near that which is far.”
Finding a way to look ahead in your life to happy moments to come and to wait for them, brings them into this moment. Not only restoring hope, but this type of living also restores happiness which can sustain us for the waiting ahead.
My attitude toward happiness was always about now. If happiness was to come later then that wasn’t really happiness to me. In reflection, that is incredibly sad. Looking ahead in life to see happy moments to come and having the ability to wait for them is a true gift.
8 Simple Steps to Being Happier and increasing Patience:
Practice mindfulness.
Be in the present moment, without judging. …
Practice accepting your current circumstances. …
Actively build a tolerance for being a bit uncomfortable. …
When you're feeling rushed, consciously slow down. …
Be playful. …
Let it feel broken. …
Practice being a good listener.
Conclusion
I want you to know that I work every day to be more patient. I pray multiple times daily and most of those prayers will include a need for patience. You can ask my wife how I’m doing, and I am confident that she will only say that “He is a work in progress”.
I realize that Patience leads to,
Mastery of Self
Achievement of Goals
Being an Overcomer
Happiness
Wherever you are in life I implore you for your sake and all those around you, pray daily for patience.
Expect to Win!
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